So as we all know this last weekend was Luke 18. Which means a lot of work. And just like in the past it did not disappoint in all of the busy work.  A lot of work went into planning it and a lot of work went into the weekend so I just wanted to say thank you to all of those who worked on it; it was a great success.

Now for the purpose of this blog. Saturday night I came back from work to see all of you guys in adoration, and Timmy walking out of the can. He and I decided to go check on the set up for the “God’s Love” talk and the warm fuzzies that followed.

During Bob’s talk, I was talking to the Cori Team about what was gonna happen and what to do. And Ross said something to me that just shook me deeply. After I was done telling them what to do, he asked me if he could go down to the church because he didn’t get much time during adoration and he “just wanted his Jesus time.”  For him to say something like that just knocked me down. I think that Luke 18 is really for all of us; while, yes, it’s meant to be for 7th and 8th graders, it should also be used for the high school kids as well.  I don’t think that we use it as that.  So to hear this from Ross made me think that maybe there is hope that you guys do take something out of it, other than being tired.

Personally this weekend was a learning experence, and it was a chance for me to rebuild friendships that have lost some of their flame and I made some great new ones. I have deeply missed seeing all of you on a weekly basis, so hopefully that will change during the summer.

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I was looking forward to last Thursday for weeks. I love any chance I get to spend time in praise and worship and Adoration, and love even more when I can do so in my own church. It’s such a great feeling to be there with my God and let all of my worries melt away and just spend the entire hour and a half praising Him.

Or, at least, that’s what was supposed to happen.

Once I got there, however, I couldn’t focus at all. My mind was all over the place, thinking about my girlfriend, then work, then Life Teen, then my plans for the weekend, then the package that I was tracking, then the temperature in the building, then what time The Office was supposed to be on and if it was new that night, then that I needed to trim my fingernails, then how hungry I was, and then all of that stuff in reverse. I just could not, for the life of me, concentrate and put my all into the experience.

All that I was able to bring that night was my presence. Not much more. Legend has it that Woody Allen once said, “Eighty percent of life is just showing up.” It is in moments like last Thursday, that I really hope that to be true. I really hope, and I really believe, that my presence alone is occasionally enough to satisfy God. It wasn’t the best effort I’ve ever given, and certainly not my best result, but I was trying.

I think it’s important to remember that quote when we’re our best laid plans don’t go as well as we’d hoped. Sometimes, in many situations, just being there is good enough.

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When I was in the car today, I found myself listening to Dog Named David’s “Circus” over and over. It talks about how love makes us do crazy things.

I ran away with the circus,
Since I fell in love with you, since I fell in love with you.

I feel like this describes my life since I first started LifeTeen. I realized how in love with God I was, and I decided to “run away with the circus.” I went to lifenights, attended Noon Mass each week, and went on retreats. Some of my friends didn’t get what had changed in me – but I knew. I had fallen in love with God, and I had given up my past in order to run away with the circus, in order to live my life for God and to show my love for him through LifeTeen.

I’m just a clown in your circus
Ever since you caught my eye, ever since you caught my eye.

Since high school I have moved on to the next verse of the song. Not only have I “run away with the circus”, but I’m now a “clown in the circus” – I have joined Core Team.  I’m no longer just a bystander, but I’m now part of the main act. It’s up to me, and my fellow “clowns” to keep the teens interested in the circus, to keep them so in love with God that they want to come back week after week.

It’s not always easy. It often requires me to step out of my comfort zone. But each week I remember why I’m doing this. I’m doing this because I’m in love with God, and I’m doing this so that hopefully the teens will also want to run away with the circus and join me in experiencing God’s love.

What’s keeping you from joining the circus?

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Just over two weeks ago I was on a mission trip to El Salvador. I’ve been thinking a lot about the trip since I’ve been back, it is something that is constantly on my mind and heart. Below is a reflection of some of my experiences from the trip.

Something that has been on my mind a lot since the trip is how we are in so much more poverty here than they are. While they might be materially poor, they are also very rich. They understand things about life that I can’t even begin to understand. On a note that will make more sense in a minute, I went to women’s night the other night. It was a modesty fashion show and they also touched on inner beauty and how important it is to realize our beauty and our dignity as women. In thinking about this in relation to El Salvador, our entire world is in such greater poverty than I have ever realized. I knew it when I came back because we lack the faith, sense of community, genuine care of the well being of others. Here we are poor on so many other levels. We have people starving themselves, not reaching out to others, not giving a care because they don’t get it. They don’t get that life is so much more than what you look like, the fact that life is rough right now, the fact that you don’t like another person, whatever. Life is so much more than the trival things we make it out to be. Our world is in need of people to rise up and recognize the dignity of each person, to see the beauty that each individual is meant to bring to this world. So many people don’t think they are good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, worth enough. I have met so many amazing people in my life that can’t see the awesomeness that is them. People are afraid of themselves. They are afraid of what they are capable of doing, they are afraid of failure. However, if we are too afraid to take leaps of faith, we are never going to get anywhere. We are never going to be able to move on to bigger and better things if we are too afraid to take the next step. But sitting back waiting for someone else to step up gets absolutely nothing done. So what if you fall flat on your face- at least you can say you tried. That’s all we can do sometimes.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, famous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

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